We were listed in Tap for Tap’s recent post, “The Seven Kingdoms of Mobile Advertising” – as House Stark no less.
So we decided to take things a step further and imagine if the Great Houses were real, would they have favorite mobile apps and games? In honor of Sunday’s new season, we delve into each kingdom’s would-be obsession.
[Note: Some spoilers ahead if you didn’t watch/read the last season.]
House Lannister: Mint
Because a Lannister always pays his debts, of course. Mint is simply the best way to keep track of your finances. Is there really more explanation needed?
House Targaryen: Dragon City
This is (arguably) the best dragon raising game you’re going to get on your phone. Breed dragons, hatch eggs and grow your mini fire-breathers until they’re ready for combat against other players. I have a feeling even Khaleesi could spend hours getting lost in this game.
House Stark: DoggyRescue
In season one, the Starks saved six direwolf puppies abandoned in the woods. As the house sigil, the incident seemed like fate.
In real life, DoggyRescue enables do-gooders to find and adopt dogs in their neighborhood. Let’s just hope if the noble Starks stumbled upon these pups, they do a better job of keeping them alive. Maybe stay away from Joffrey altogether.
House Tyrell: Tengami
One of the most beautifully designed games for iOS, Tengami can be entirely recreated with paper. But graphics aside, this game leads you through a series of challenging yet peaceful puzzles. Upon solving, you receive glowing flowers to add to a tree, representative of the seasons and the search for summer.
Despite threatening marriages, hidden lusts and constant power struggles, the Highgarden high born – especially the ladies – remain astonishingly calm. In that sense, Tengami fits them quite well.
House Baratheon: Follow the Light
Nothing is more apt for the Baratheons than a game in which players are guided by the Lord of Light. This puzzle/arcade game is one of the most atmospheric apps you’ll find for Android, designed completely in grayscale.
Playing is easy. Just avoid the darkness and follow the path Melisandre has paved for you.
House Martell: Hinge
Think of all the drama that could have been avoided if the Martells had just settled down with proper suitors.
Oberyn wouldn’t have eight bastard children. Elia would be alive. Hell, Oberyn would be alive. While we’re at it, pretty much everyone would be alive.
Don’t marry yourself off to a Mad King just to spite your annoying frenemies, the Lannisters. Though there are endless options for dating apps, Hinge seems to be universally acknowledged as the safest bet for avoiding creeps.
House Arryn: Presence
It was tempting to choose a game like Flappy Bird, where you can “make him fly!” Instead, we focused on what House Arryn holds most precious: their home. Arryn’s castle, The Eyrie, is impregnable. There are several gates along the way, and defenders who guard the road. Many who attempt the journey perish.
To make your house that safe in the modern-day world, download Presence. This turns your old gadgets into makeshift security cameras, with a real-time feed that you can monitor when you’re away.
Disclaimer: To really invoke your inner Arryn, you may need to install your own Moon Door.
Brothers of the Night’s Watch: Monument Valley
The Free Folk call the Night’s Watch “the crows.” In Monument Valley, these pesky poultry sit on top of the walls squawking at Ida and preventing her from passing. Are they really that different?
Have a different opinion? Want to duel with me to the death about your favorite Lannister? Let’s go – Mountain vs. Red Viper style – in the comments below.
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